sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
