well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
