I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
