Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
