we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
