she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
