i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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