Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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