I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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