there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
