meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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