no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
