Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
