I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
