well you can't waste a boner
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
