It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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