I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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