i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
there is glitter all over my balls
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