yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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