Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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