fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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