The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
