i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
