i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
