The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
love makes seman taste better
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
