I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
