i would punch a child for taco bell
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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