so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
