i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
