I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
