Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
