He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
