he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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