if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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