So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
