wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
