my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
why does every cop we meet know your name?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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