bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
