4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can I color on your dick again?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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