let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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