and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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