haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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