You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
