If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
