I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
