Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
