I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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