Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I will pee on everything he values.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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