i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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