i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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