Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As shirtless as possible
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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