did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
